Wow! A friend of mine loaned me a book called Becoming Friends by Paul Wadell. Before I praise the many positives, I’ll mention two aspects that warrant caution. First this is no easy read. Don’t expect to pick it up, blaze through it, and miraculously find that you have more friends, or are a better friend. This tome takes time and deserves at least two readings (and I confess I have only made it through the book one time). Secondly, I disagree with the author on several theological points. No, I’m not a seminary grad, but a few statements did give me pause. However, in this case, it is well worth tossing the bathwater and keeping the baby.
As I compose this post, I do not have the book in hand as I had to return it. I will hopefully make it to the seminary bookstore today to get my own copy. Yet, I can summarize the initial impact.
Paul Wadell utterly turns the concept of friendship on it’s head. I’m a gregarious person and have quite a few acquaintances. I like most people that I meet. Yet Wadell defines a friend as one before whom you peel back all layers of pretension and pride. The friend is the witness to the inner most core of your being, and is not frightened off by the hideous parts of your soul. The friend acts as the mirror, informing you of those rough and sinful tendencies that need the transformative power of Christ. In Wadell’s view, becoming friends with an other plays an integral role in becoming friends with God.
By Wadell’s definition, friends truly desire what is best for one another. Do I really desire what is best for others or do I encircle myself with “friends” who make me feel good about myself? Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes it is no. I expect that this question will continue to haunt me for the foreseeable future.
(Note: I have no definite plan for a series on this topic, but over the next month as I reread the book, I’m sure a few posts will emerge.)
September 4, 2006 at 2:42 pm |
This is an interesting set of ideas here. I was just reflecting on this with my brother yesterday. I think having many acquaintances, while good and regenerative for some, also brings a fair amount of noise into one’s life. With many–often unqualified–opinions of what we should do, how we should be, it becomes difficult to become (be?) the people we are meant to be. I’ve learned a lot in the last five years about the benefits of silence, solitude, and selectivity: which opinions do I let shape me? Who serves as my mirror (do I hear James in there somewhere)? Certainly not the same number of people I let perform those functions six or seven years ago. This is an important topic, and crucial (I think) to our development and formation as Christ-followers. Good thoughts. And timely, too!
September 4, 2006 at 3:16 pm |
[...] Nancy writes a(n altogether too brief) meditiation on friendship over at Painting Baseboards. Nancy translates Paul Waddell’s definition of a friend this way: Wadell defines a friend as one before whom you peel back all layers of pretension and pride. The friend is the witness to the inner most core of your being, and is not frightened off by the hideous parts of your soul. The friend acts as the mirror, informing you of those rough and sinful tendencies that need the transformative power of Christ. [...]
September 6, 2006 at 8:07 pm |
[...] Becky’s response to my last post and her subsequent post got my mind whirlin…(perhaps ducking is in order). Then Susan began a series on pastoral care which included her stories in three different churches. As I mulled over Susan’s and Becky’s thoughts, I detected a bit of overlap. (Though I would like to speak more of Wendell’s wisdom, the seminary bookstore was closed on Sat., so I don’t have his book handy. As such you are stuck with my wandering musings). [...]